Pasithea

I probably should have got around to thinking about plans for this before now but better late than never, no?

Anyhow. What are everyone's plans? I was actually going to treat this more as a working convention than a social one. IE I was going to go sit in on some panels and do a lot of people-watching and sketches based on people and try to network with people with similar interests.

I notice that the theme for the 'fashion show' at Silicon is basically gothic lolita, so I may try to make it to that. There's also a special effects prop gallery that I'll want to go through and maybe one or two movies I should plan to catch. I think I'm going to try to get there by about 3 on Friday afternoon. There's Rocky Horror Friday night so I'll stay for that at least.


On Saturday I don't see anything exciting to me prior to 11AM. The presentation on "How to Get Recognition as an artist and sell your art" at 11:30A sounds vaguely interesting but probably all common-sense stuff. Although at the same time, "Dealing with and preventing costuming emergencies" may be a better fit for me. Particularly if I end up wearing one of the prickles to this convention. Italian Zombie Makeover sounds amusing too although more of an Ashy thing. Anyhow. 11 sounds like the right time to arrive which means leaving my house around 10ish. That fits okay with coming home after Rocky. Woot. I guess I should also go to the Machinima Roadshow at 3PM... Or maybe I should hide from it. Lots of other interesting things Saturday.

Sunday looks like it's pretty dead panel-wise so that means maybe Saturday night is the time when I go crazy and do outlandish stuff. Probably stay all night and screw around, sleep in the car, wash in the sink, visit the Klingons, that kind of thing. Need to work out options for anyone who rides with me so they're not stuck with my plans. I know several sets of cars that are going through so I don't think it will be a huge problem. I think I am probably not going to go to Decompression for BM tho (unless Silicon turns out really lame somehow) I also haven't figured out what costumes I'm taking yet.

Stacey and I went and watched Across the Universe last night. Basically updated versions of Beatles songs arranged in a film that's a bit like The Wall or Tommy but not quite as good IMO. Their universe was a bit too much Paul McCartney and a little too little John Lennon. Just a bit too clean-cut and whitewashed to really engage me. (Not that I'm at all an expert on these things)

The basic story was tedious. Your basic boy-meets-girl claptrap. The surreal, psychedelic, and hallucinatory scenes are good but there's way too much of 'normal' people in it to really be totally enjoyable for me. Mary Sue's 60s with a splash of color to set the scene. On the whole, I felt like it also painted the political liberals as the worst people in the film (selfish, sexist, self-righteous bomb-makers) and do-nothing slackers as the protagonists. The silly girl who says she'll never breed becomes one of the political liberals but ultimately realizes all that was silly and returns to our hero after calling the bomb-makers hypocrites. *gag*

Every microphone in the film was a Sony. That's how you knew who made the film, but other than that, product placement was surprisingly low. I didn't see a single coke can. Now that's refreshing!

On the whole, the film was pretty watchable. I'd even say I enjoyed it though 'enjoy' isn't the right word. More like, "It held my attention and it didn't grate on my nerves enough to make me bitchy" but that's as close to enjoyment as mainstream films tend to get me lately.

The last thing I took away from the film was some serious depression because it got me thinking about communes. In the back of my mind, I have that childish desire,

"Me and my friends could get a big house somewhere and pool our resources and because we're only paying one rent and one electric bill and sharing food, we'd save money and we'd all be in a better place financially and we'd all have more time to work on the things we really care about because chores would also be shared."

*sigh* If only that were true. My adult self knows it never works out that way. A few people (generally me being one of them) end up doing the majority of the chores and creating income and the rest make excuses or claim their role is to be the beautiful shiny creatures, artists, and musicians. Power dynamics evolve and the whole thing invariably falls apart, usually with the slackers left rushing to find a new home and the work horses stuck with the bills and clean-up. Not to mention, as the size of the group increases, there are increased odds of someone who is disrespectful to everyone else's space and comfort, either by adopting a 'more the merrier' sort of attitude and inviting lots of others to join or by introducing elements that could cause trouble for the entire group. (See also, girlfriends, boyfriends, and intent-to-sell quantities of drugs)

And even if I could find some magical group of people similar to me, who all make decent money and are regularly employed and who are eager to work and create, there's still potential trouble from fussy neighbors and the worst enemy: TV. TV is a soul-sucker for me. I have a hard time walking past a room with a TV blaring in it and not being drawn into its energy vortex. In a larger household someone will invariably want TV and then someone will want cable and then I'm stuck paying a portion of a bill on a device that drains my creative energy. Even if I can avoid it, then I'd be seen as anti-social and slowly become excluded from the group, most likely. I am alien. I am very nearly pure energy. Given the opportunity I am almost ALWAYS working on something. *sigh*

Of course, I can also be proven wrong on this. Entirely possible I'm just negative. tugrik and revar have managed to have a communal house for close to a decade without major (apparent) drama and their creative energies seem to have fed each other. I really envy that. *sigh* Though, I guess on the other hand, I have a bedroom and a studio space and I can leave my studio cluttered for a few nights without making anyone else crazy. I also like my privacy and quiet fairly often. So maybe I'm better off. Although as far as privacy and quiet go, I suppose house wins over apartment most days.

Mostly I just wish I had safe space. I wish faced with only two options where one is rent I can afford at my current income level and the other is a mortgage I would struggle endlessly to afford. I am always standing on the edge and feeling that if I slip for a moment, I'll fall and never stop until I hit the very bottom. I help people out when I can. I try to take care of my friends, but there's always this feeling in the back of my heart that says, "No one would catch you if you fell. You are alone." and honestly... Who would? The friends I have that might care couldn't afford it and everyone else has already rejected a dozen other people who've plead for help. They wouldn't treat me any different.

This is all part of why I spend so much time working on the things I'm passionate about. I will fall one day. It's inevitable and I have nothing to land on. Not friends and certainly not family. My only chance is to find some way to take care of myself permanently. Yet so far, nothing I've done has bore fruit.